Beginning

With a sigh of relief I welcome the new year. Time has flown past letting me wonder where I am going to be going and what I am doing. Opportunities are prevalent with ever passing second. I have the opportunities to grow and to experience life as a person should… but something has been holding me back. I have noticed that I have a lack of desire, a little antagonist living inside my very soul holding me back from being able to accomplish the simplest task. Senoritis? Maybe. Too much on my plate? Maybe. But whatever you call it, my motivation just isn’t there. That is going to change.

For New Years I made the horrendous decision to some how use Social Media MORE. I wanted to take more pictures and to invest more of myself into it.  That, like all other resolutions gave out pretty quickly. Some how within days of my Social Media “binge”   it all faded and I began to wonder why I was even on it in the first place. I became so distraught by the fact that only 118 people would like my pictures that it made me depressed. I had such a hard time realizing that my Tweet’s were only worth 12 favorites that it preoccupied my emotions. What was this? What was I becoming?

“”I’m just tired of revolving my life around peoples pictures, I shouldn’t let a picture someone post make me depressed like it does, I shouldn’t the the fact that I am so embarrassingly unpopular ruin my life like it does, I shouldn’t let my life live off of just refreshing a lonely feed that means nothing. The people who care enough about me to see my pictures or to know about my life better try a bit harder than just double tapping a screen to understand me. Make memories so that when you die you know that you’ve been and done things special. Don’t make memories to make other people jealous or to show how many likes your selfies can get. Like cool, we get it, you’re gorgeous and we loved by everyone, but that doesn’t make the post any less empty than it already feels. My posts aren’t “like” worthy to a lot of people and that honestly bothers me, because I post my life and the things that I love and if double tapping a freaking picture is too hard for someone than that shows that my life isn’t worthy to other people. Like yeah I suck at taking pictures and I look to ugly to have my face in anything so my pictures aren’t very good, but it makes people feel so unworthy when people don’t even like their pictures. Like as dumb as it sounds I just don’t like the negative feelings that coincide with social media and the addictive tendencies that come with it. Like honestly I know how many times you check to see how many likes you’re getting. It feels good to be loved, but the fact that you are wasting so much freaking time and effort caring about what others think of you is not only ridiculous but it is also pathetic. And trust me, I’m just like that!! Appearance is a great thing, but the fact that we have to so heavily depend on how many people see our fake smiles is freaking ridiculous.”

And with that said, all my social media is no gone. Its a new year and I am ready to begin the technology free journey.

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Work

Work is one of those words that can make us cringe and hide. We dread work, but are nothing without it. These past weeks I have been thinking a lot about that specific word and I have realized that work is what drives us humans. Work gives us a purpose to get up and do something. Work give us a reason to put in any effort. In order to improve to be who we want to be we need to use an inner sense of drive to find that motivation to work.

Who is willing to become anything without a little bit of work; a little bit of effort. Everyone wants to be successful, everyone wants to be rich, to be talented, to be popular… but are they just expected to be handed all of this fame? No. Somethings will come with inheritance but that wont make you successful. Well in that case what will? Work will, a little bit of hard work isn’t going to kill anyone.

Dreaming

Self-ambition is what drives people

The human is a very complex and interesting piece of art which is filled with self-ambition and desires. You will never know the full truth of what is going on in someones head and that is that

Often I ask myself about the word “driven”, what is it that “drives” people. What drives me? What is it that drives others? How am I driven into becoming a better person

The dream is to be able to dream all day long. In your dreams you are free. You are the one true you that you want to be all the time. You are the one that gets to go on adventures and explore and have inner peace. Everyone wants to live the life perfectly

Nightmares are wonderful to me, the make me feel something. The numbness causes me pain and the pain desires attention, attention that I’m not willing to give. I don’t even know what dreaming is

What is dreaming? a false sense of hope? a display of desires? ambition to achieve?

As a read the things that prompt me to write I am at a lost of thoughts. I don’t know what it is that controls people. I sit here and write as if I know every answer to life when in painful honesty I admit that I know relatively nothing. Maybe the dream is to know it all? maybe we can’t even fathom what a dream actually is? Humans go through the motions pretending to be something more than just a body while continuously lying to themselves telling themselves that they are more than just that. Could anyone survive without dreaming? Is there anything more to life than just dreaming?

Adversity

Let’s face it, life can be a real sucker. Whether we like to admit it or not we all are faced with hard times and trials. We all would like to believe that ours hardships are hardest (which may be true, probably not, but may be true) and that no one can imagine how terrible things might be. When you’re little, not being able to play with your favorite toy during church could possibly be the hardest thing in the world. When you are 16 and a girl, being dumped by Jason most defiantly is the hardest thing in the world. And when you’re 24, broke, dropped out of college and have numerous addictions not being able to find your next “hit” is the hardest thing anyone can go through. I defiantly haven’t faced it all and I pray that I will not ever have to, but what is the purpose of adversity?

Working out is great. Whether you run, lift or play basketball it is all great. The whole science behind sports and becoming stronger is great. Take a muscle, we’ll take your bicep brachii, located in your arm between your elbow and should joints, used for flexion in your arm. Comes in handy quite often actually! Well, how can you make that muscle stronger? If I want to make my arm stronger I have got to begin lifting more. Heavier weights, more reps, different things like that. What this does is it tears the muscle. Tears it again and again and again, multiple times and down to a shred and what left is just torn up muscle. Then your body sends in different proteins which jump in the muscle building it up, making it bigger and strengthening it more than ever before. T his concept translates through your body and into our personal life. When things go not according to plan it may tear us down a little. It may hurt, you may suffer, but you will be strengthened.

Shortly ago I was on my way to becoming a star athlete, I had colleges talking to me, I had head analysts watching my every move and people where beginning to notice just who I was. I trained hard, harder than just about anyone. I began breaking records and never looked back. Among all of this success I began to fall ill. I began to get more sick with every passing day and with every passing day I continued to lose the great shape in which I was in. Suddenly my condition dropped for the worse and I was in bed rest for over a week. I had lost everything that I had built up over months and was nowhere back to my normal self. This was hard because failure seemed inevitable and in fact failure was present. I was failing at all the simplest tasks that I had to perform and had lost my kick and my desire to perform in all aspects. I lost sight of who I was and what I wanted to become and it was hard because something so simple as getting sick had taken so much away from me.

This example I am sharing is still here, I am not healed of my sickness, I am not back to where I am. Everyday can seem to be hard but what brings me hope is knowing that like my muscles, I will get stronger. I will be able to fight back from this bump and be better than I ever was before. I have a belief that through pain we will grow, because if it wasn’t for that then why would pain even exist?

Fear

Death, the Unknown and Failure.

Fear is something to the extreme. Whether it is a little bit of fear, or a lot of fear, fear can terrorize anyone into doing irrational things that can make no sense. Many times people let their fears intrude on their personal life and many decisions that they have to face. Fear is so powerful that it overtakes the mind and even possesses the body.

Believe me when I say that I am not trying to “act tough” when I say that I fear hardly anything. It’s not like there isn’t many things that are scare me (oh because there are!) but because fear is more than just being scared. Fear is a state of mind, a whole different state in which we lose control of our thoughts. Yes, being scared does lead to fear, but fear itself is not being scared. A person who has fear has already lost the ability to make conscious decisions .

Fear, in my belief, is attributed to death. When a person fears death it leads to being scared of many different things. People are scared of heights because they might fall and die. People are scared of snakes because they may be bitten and could cause death. People are scared of kidnap, murder and rape because it could kill their very existence.  The list goes on and on of things people are scared of, but at the root of all the dreaded chaos is death.

The reason people are scared of the death is because it is part of the unknown.  They don’t know what will happen to them once they die. They don’t know if they were raised the right way, if they made the right decisions and if they lived the proper life and that scares them. What if they are unable to see their family and friends ever again? What if they aren’t able to function or be how they want to be? What if they made so many mistakes that they could not be forgiven? All of these questions and many alike are the reason people fear death, it’s because they fear the unknown.

The reason people are scared of the unknown is because the fear of failure. If they have something in which they know nothing about, then how can they succeed? What if they don’t succeed? People spend their whole life working towards something whether it is a family, a job, a goal or even death and what if they fail at their life? It is the “what if” affect. That is what people fear, that is what scares them. If someone can’t be what they want to be than what is the purpose?

Fear is prevalent and always existing. Fear lives in your home, in your life and inside your body. With fear you’re not  the same, yet without fear you are not you.

Introduction

As humans we all have specific needs. Though these needs may be various, they often can help truly identify the source and subject behind ones intentions.

My needs are one of a outspoken loud friend with much love in his heart. I spend my time exploring and learning about numerous things that make me become a more interesting me.

A child at heart with a perfectionist’s brain.

Keep me entertained and you’ll be promised a show.